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"Marge and I entered my room and I quickly undressed. I was in pain andcould feel in my crotch each movement I made. The heat from that areawas intense; I could feel it through everything. Once again, thethought that all this was moving so fast entered my mind. What waswanted of me and what was needed for me to do to be successful wouldrequire more than giving 100% it would require me to give 200% and moreat times! Was I really up to it? Could I really become Rachel to thedegree that was needed?I had no real choice in this matter, I knew this as a certainty. Toomuch had been done already and if I were to say no now, disaster wouldbe the only outcome. I can do this! I will do this! How much time wouldI remain as Rachel ultimately depended on me. The sooner I learned andunderstood what I needed to create the foundation everyone truly felt Ihad to have, the sooner I could return as Rich. Not Ricky, not Angel,but Rich, the true me!I must have stopped undressing myself as I was thinking. She ended the meeting, by complimenting Mr. Easton on a role he had beenselected for in the community theater. Everyone clapped and gave himcongratulations, as he was well liked and I dare say, some of the femaleteachers had their own crushes on him. He took the applause with greataplomb and an honest self-depreciating thank you. I found it hard not tolook at him with envy.He represented many of the things I missed most about being a man. Hecould be seen running effortless in just his running shorts during thelunch break, as part of his daily workout. If not working out, he oftenhelped some of the women teachers move items in their classrooms, orhelped them carry supplies. He had a naturally toned and muscled framethat gave him strength and flexibility. I no longer had thosecapabilities as my testosterone blockers and high estrogen levels hadreduced my muscles to slivers of what they used to be. My workouts nowwere limited to walks around my neighborhood, unless I was willing towash.
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